So there are ramen noodles in the shower you need to explain...
they thought it would be fun to get out their yearbook and see who hooked up with the most guys..I won...I don't even go to the same school
in the middle of it he kept shouting: im going to be masturbating to this for the rest of my life
2 am we went back to his house. his mom handed us beers and cooked us pancakes. the next morning his dad had washed my car. i lied. living at home after college definitely does not suck.
I'm kind of concerned that there are now two different videos of me with knives
You should have totally come, I started watering down vodka with cider. I have lost the sense of taste.
I DON'T WANT TO KNOW THE SCIENTIFIC REASONING BEHIND WHY I STARTED A HAREM ESPECIALLY NOT FROM A GUY IN THE HAREM!
So my quick shower turned into a "lay in the shower and let the hot water reign over you because you are too hungover to wash your hair" shower. I'll be there closer to 1:30!
You're 34. You can't make guys wait till the third date anymore. Step it up!
I haven't been hungover in so long I'm actually looking forward to it
Naw but when she was in the bathroom I threw the condom out the window and I'm pretty sure it hit some girl
If you could get me there thatd be perfect. I doubt there's extradition on the moon.
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
It started getting weird when you decided to scold my vagina.
Is texting an old booty call with "can you still get your ankles behind your ears?" an appropriate way to reemerge into the singles scene???
Randomize
