Tell me I did not drive one hour for whiskey dick.
My roommate was eating ketchup out of a bowl. Get me the hell out of here.
at what point did putting a bag of doritos in the freezer seem like a really good idea?
You were directing traffic around her for 30min after she passed out in the middle of the road.
You really are best friends.
it was like that last scene in "It's A Wonderful Life" but with alcohol
I just saw her shopping list. The only things on it are blackberries, hot fudge and condoms. I almost don't wanna know. Almost.
Now you know for the next time you go in the basement to wear a helmet
On the oral sex Super Bowl board I drew 7 and 1. If I get lucky, someone will be swallowing during Madonna's half time. I'm sure she'd approve.
I did a hand stand against the glass wall at Ziggy's with no panties on and got 3 phone numbers. Thank God I shaved this morning...
Dude. If I met a dinosaur right now. we'd totally be on the same page. Brainwaves and shit.
He was my first. He knew. He knew right there I was wrapped around his penis.
I still think it's strange your mom saw me 93% naked with a Santa hat on and a raging boner. Tis the season right?
I feel like you can't break up with someone on 420. It's against stoner code
I just saw a woman give her infant whiskey tits. About ten minutes ago she was doing shots, and now she's breast feeding. Whiskey. Tits.
Im sober enough to understand what people are saying but drunk enough to understand its hilarious
Randomize
