did I really admit that id have sex with that cougar had I been more drunk?...ugh...i need to masterbate more
This escort grabbed my boyfriends ass and it became clear, he fucked pretty much anything he could find prior to dating me.
I wish we could skip the pretense of being normal and just start drinking wine with breakfast
Why can't public transit accommodate my lifestyle of drinking til midnight on a Monday?
I'm drinking too much free beer
Thats like saying one owns too many kittens. It's not possible.
WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WE'RE WATCHING BIRTHING VIDEOS!!!!
So that wine I told you about is vile...
That the stuff you brewed in your dorm closet? Are you actually going to drink it?
Yup. It's drinkable. Might go blind, but I've got to use my chemistry minor for something.
Dude I'm about to just roll over and piss off the side of my bed, rather than make the conscious effort to get up and walk to the bathroom. One of those hangovers.
And noooow we're smoking a ton of REALLY strong weed and THIS IS THE SOFTEST CAT EVER
I last recall trying to play piano and asking justin for drugs. I would like to think I then gracefully laid down on the couch and shut my eyes like a sleeping kitten.
He keeps asking the karaoke guy to play let it go from frozen so he can sing it in a falsetto
Just caught myself trying to make grilled cheese with the stove off. I think my dad knows I'm high.
The best part about daylight savings time this weekend is we get an extra hour to be fucked up.
So we are in the middle of sex and his brother knocks on the door and says "dude I just wanted to know if you want to see the fish I got tonight"
my downstairs neighbor came by to say he’s having a huge loud party tomorrow, handed me a toblerone bar, and said thank you in advance for your understanding
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