she has no idea who harrison ford is.
see that's why i'd never date someone born in the 90s
it was the least impressive dick i've ever seen... and i've changed babies' diapers.
It was the most graceful puke ever. I just thought she dropped something underneath the bar until she told me what happened.
I'm not really into her personality. Not that we've ever looked for personality in women.
That's only a quality to look for in a second marriage.
i was mezmorized. she was the most beautiful girl that looked like a boy i ever seen
Just saw a tranny in a skimpy captain america costume walking around campus. Going to follow her. You gotta see this
I feel like just to watch it, I need to be high. To understand it, I'd need enough drugs to kill an elephant.
There is not greater feeling than lying to your boss and leaving work to shit in the comfort of your own home
I think this agreement was sent by God. I get to do my own thing, get laid, and he still makes me breakfast in the morning.
We just broke into a lion king sing along. Understanding is not possible.
I'm not the one who gave a guy that lives next door to my grandmother a blowjob in a pub bathroom in Ireland, you have no room to judge.
No amount of beer will make me feel better about this. It's time for Emergency Whisky
I just split a tacobell party box with my boss. 12 tacos. We were equals for a moment.
Do not let Mike show you his naughty Santa Claus outfit. It's a super long beard and crotchless pants.
Found my paycheck. It was in the freezer
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