honestly, who buys weed with an unemployment check?
you.
oh yeah. preciate
I felt like a fire hydrant the vomit just kept coming out
No one actually likes Tequila. They just accept it as a fact of life. Like hpv.
Found a cheerleading trophy in my shower this morning. Explain.
Second day of summer classes and i already got this girl to send me nudes during class
that is WHY your in summer classes
worth it
He threw up. He never throws up. It was like finding out superman cant fly anymore. I was so sad for him.
When they arrested me, they gave me a bracelet with my mugshot and info. When you get one they can be our BFF Bracelets.
On another note, why did I wake up wrapped in bubble wrap. I can only assume it was for my own safety
we're going to the olympic park to run the 100m yeaaaahhh
it's 3am. Nothing could possibly go wrong here.
Thanks to a poorly written tweet a whole bunch of people thought I died last night.
I would say I miss her friendship, then I remember that she gave 4 guys the clap. I'm good.
I asked him to tell me a bedtime story, then threw up on him.
I was so drunk I got stuck in the middle of a revolving door
You need to stop showing people the things i drunk-text to you... i have a reputation to uphold here
Do you ever go take a shit and end up sitting on the toilet for like 45 minutes wondering what the fuck you're doing with your life?
Everyday my friend, everyday.
Randomize
