She wanted to watch a Baby Einstein DVD while we fucked. I'm pretty open minded but that felt a little creepy.
I legitimately sent him a storybook of naked pictures.
stopped you just in time from sledding down the roof.
A horseman, i repeat, a man on a horse downtown just told me i was gorgeous and my friends were not. Not drunk enough.
Nothing motivates a person to clean their apartment like puking up cheese ravioli beer-tequila chicken wings for eight hours.
I may or may not vaguely recall punching you in the dick but it was a misunderstanding and I forgive you can we have make up sex?
I appreciate you letting me know that the bird died but why didn't you do something about the corpse? or at least give me a heads up that it was still in the cage..Jesus
you have no idea how hungover I am. I can't deal with death right now.
Walked into a bathroom stall to pop an addy for my three back-to-back finals today. Felt like Clark Kent walking into a phonebooth.
lesson learned. Never drop acid before a trip to the aquarium. Sounds awesome, is actually terrifying.
This is my life. Enjoy the view
Nothing like a little " am I gonna shit myself " to spice up the work day
I may have broke the toilet masturbating. On a positive note the floor is really clean now.
Can I come over and use your shower? My roommate got drunk last night and took my bathroom door off its hinges
It was probably the night you were half naked and trying to blow everybody, guy or girl.
this is me we're talking about here. You're going to have to be more specific than that.
This is the most aggressive rendition of that Proclaimers song I ever heard.
Randomize
