And just when I was about to fall asleep, he hit me in the face, and claimed he's a "violent sleeper".
i'm just sitting here going through her tagged pics, covering up different parts of her face to try and figure out exactly what it is that makes her so ugly.
I'm by the dj to the left. Come get me now this girl is talking about baby names and I dnt even no hers
I can't see you
I'm the only one that's wearing a tarzan outfit get your ass over here you douche
Druken naked yoga : jus another ploy to keep your husbands eye in check
All I'm saying is that your next houseguest had better not barge in on me in the shower demanding I wash the stolen dye from his hair. I'm not doing that a second time.
Ugh. I'm going to die alone, sister. Half-eaten by one of my thirty-seven cats and clutching a martini shaker
some kid lit a j in the bar tonight. i was in awe of both his boldness and the severe beatdown he received moments later
i rearranged my furniture so i could masturbate in the sun. how's that for spring cleaning?
side note: on a scale of 1-10, how bad an idea is it to hook up with 9 cats guy?
You make any dick jokes involving sushi and there WILL be consequences.
Sushi is fucking sacred in this house and I will kill you if you try and taint that.
she's my really slutty friend i bring around so i can act slutty and not feel as bad about it
"hahahaha" is not a sufficient reply when I tell you my mother laughed at a joke about me giving blowjobs.
The wedding is over. Operation sleep with my step-sister has officially begun
I actually talked to his parents last night about it. haha. I had a bottle of smirnoff in my hand, I'm sure they took me serious.
How did the test come back?
I've never been so happy to have a yeast infection. And i got a free pack of birth control
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