I wish I only lived at night.
Have you come up with a team name for the beer pong tournament on Saturday?
We can be the stepdads. If anyone asks why say because we beat you and you hate us.
She makes me want to have breakfast margaritas every day
if you count grabbing my crotch as an introduction then yeah i got a couple of those tonight
Do you think my parents will accept my drinking habits more if I told them I like to drink every night because I take good shits the next morning?
Speaking of ejaculate, did you get the side of your car cleaned off?
So question, would you consider it morally wrong to grind up Cialas and put it in ones cocktail? Then I get what I want and he doesn't have to be embarrassed and he can win the mental game with himself? I'm only thinking of him...
I woke up snuggling a bottle of water while Hercules played on Netflix. Whiskey Wednesdays
It was bitter sweet because I woke him up with sex but then I peed in his bed with him in it
Dude I'm so clean right now. Like I feel insulted that I can pass a piss test.
I was in a penguin suit. Dick out. I am confident in the value of my pic.
I think were only still together so we can make each other miserable
He wants to buy us a microwave. Clearly the man is going to fix my life.
I can empathize with sociopaths, serial killers, demons, gods, and monsters....straight white males are literally the only barrier to my 100% empathy rate. I don't get it.
i was ready to conquer the fucking world. i would have fought vin deisel to the death without hesitation
Randomize
