Hey sorry for feelin' up your date. Sadly, this is a mass txt.
i wish that high-me and normal-me were two different ppl so that high-me could thank normal-me for setting out a feast before smoking
I wish that high-you wouldn't text me stupid shit at 3:30 in the morning
No, don't worry. We're not going to get THAT arrested.
He used his penis as a puppet and sang Rihanna's Hard..... so no, we will never see each other again.
i think i should save myself the $200 for a prom dress. i mean why bother. its just going to be covered in vodka/jizz/and puke by the end of the night.
Dude she was 62...with a boob job. And I'm proud to say I made out with that.
How do you feel about fucking me quick and then me leaving to go do arts and crafts?
Walked into my campus store carrying a pitcher of sangria. No fucks given. Also this recipe is banging.
Cockoligist
Yes, one may refer to me as that.
I should make business cards.
Might as well permanently tattoo lush somewhere on my body and show it to people when I decide to drink so they won't serve me.
I just traded 5 cigarettes for a sandwich on they greyhound.You owe me 5 cigarettes. I told you I would get hungry.
I need a drink and a shade of lipstick that will put the fear of God in a man's heart.
I am descending into that finals week rage fueled by ramen, mountain dew and bad sex is what's up.
im mourning your vaginas lack of frictional upkeep
This is the most exciting thing since movie theater hand jobs
Randomize
