I could make wine with my vomit
When I asked if she spit or swallow she replied "I never learned how to spit"
He was singing Will Smith Just the Two of Us to his burrito. That high.
Drunk on an escalator. I fell like 15 flights of stairs without actually moving more than 5 feet.
Have you ever wondered what your stripper song would be?
My dad is drinking wine out of a measuring cup. This explains so much.
Let's play, "guess how long my Neighbours have been watching me dance naked".
I can taunt you with whatever I want. Like batman and sex.
Your stories are the best. I feel like you're a spy among the heteros. It's not fair.
I'm hoping my engineering degree will pay off when I invent porn watching in the shower
Drunk me obviously wants to fuck up my life
It's like I have an arch nemesis, and it's me
She's like the Oprah of therapy. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. WITH A PADDED ROOOOM
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but a penn state hat. We are....
I just ordered a "football meatlong" from subway
woke up to my little sister's best-friend's boyfriend in my bed, but how's your saturday going?
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