how the FUCK am I supposed to macarena while doubble fisting?
We got blackout for the alumni dinner, and then walked THROUGH the keynote speaker, managing to still say "excuse me".
I can't be drunk. Sober yes. Drunk no. Spoonfuls
Now all we have to do is pretend we haven't seen each other naked. Work tomorrow is going to be FUN.
This from the guy I found eating salad out of a pot lid in his boxers on his porch last night.
I swear my vagina formed calluses just to deal with how big he is
I just got a reminder alert on my phone for an event I titled "Bradley getting stupid high with me in bed." I assume we planned this during the party. I'm down if you are.
He came for an unexpected visit and let's just say I shattered his illusion that girls don't watch porn
Huh. I think I went to highschool with the hooker my neighbor just brought home.
I was just laying in bed wondering if there's more important things in life than cheese stuffed pretzels.
Been trying to fuck him since december. Finally got him into bed and he was uncircumcised. Why do bad things happen to good people?
My greatest accomplishment today was eating a box of Thai food the size of a toddler.
I bought more beer than I could carry and managed to fit it all in the fridge. It's an alcoholicmas miracle.
It's your last night of vacation right? Be the Oprah of dick. And you get a dick... and you get a dick, and you get a dick!!!
I’m really regretting these suede pants.
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