so my bro's bff came over...we had an awkward "yeah we fucked and can fuck later, but let's just pretend it didn't happen in front of the family" hug.
You drank the expired grape juice because you were convinced it had fermented into wine...you have a problem.
so when am I gonna get some from you?
when you dick grows 3 inches
I'm going to an arts college, I live next to the frat houses, and my room number is 420. god has plans for me and I couldn't be happier.
I've officially moved beyond college drinking. I just got business drunk at an internship seminar.
For the love of God you used a 40 foot extension cord to bungee jump out the off the 2 nd floor
I figured, if I'm going to wear a gold cape its pretty safe to assume I'll be blacking out as well.
If I'm going to start compromising my butthole it's going to be for much better drugs than a ventolin
So your bra was hanging in the Christmas tree last night at some point I think
For the record, just because I'm a mess doesn't mean I don't know what I'm talking about when I give you advice. I'm way better at other people's lives.
I just walked out topless, stared his brother straight in the eye, and ate all the rest of their cookie dough.
I really wanted to pound but her roomate was making mac n cheese n shit so I was trying to time her moans to the drone of the microwave
I smell like a brewery and I have been drinking for 7 hours. This seems like a perfect time to tell my husband I want a divorce.
Serious question: is he hot or is my vagina just that barren?
If you get me a sex toy for Christmas everyone in my family will question our relationship.
Randomize
