guy in front of me on the bus did 12 yrs, hes teling me about how to knife fight
just taught 3 girls from korea how to fist pump on chat roulette.
Sarah Palin is going to have a show on the discovery channel...Can I get a moment of silence for knowledge?
The coffee and champagne are fighting over who gets to absorb the one pancake in my stomach
It's going to be great. We're a perfect team to break up marriages and happiness.
I found out that my first kiss was an Italian. Even in kindergarden i knew size mattered.
when I sang my humps to you I meant it.
Really? How much of his life do you think he remembers? I'm pretty sure 75% of it qualifies as "kind of a blur".
omg i just made best friends with a deer. Im like the drunk santa clause.
Ps you missed quite a show. I was for some reason whipping my hair back and forth and head butted the tip jar. It shattered and now I have a circular bruise on my forehead. All the bartenders hit the floor to get all the quarters.
Its raining shots and i keep catching them in my mouth like you with dicks shits crazy
We got banned from that Whataburger for life. WHATABURGER. Which is saying something. They deal with drunk dumbasses every night.
Tequila happens.
He put those pics of him with those girls on facebook and tagged his wife in them
Tequila 1 marriage 0
There comes a point where there's just condoms and old mcdonalds in your garbage can and you can't tell if you've won or lost.
I had to put my dog down, accidentally outed my brother, and was given a fucking fish sandwich instead of a Big Mac ALL IN ONE DAY! Am I really the person you want to consult for advice? Hhhmmmmmm?
Randomize
