Im broke. I spend all my money on weed cigarettes alcohol and food. In that order. I cant even cut one of those because you know it'd be food. I already stopped getting my nails done just so i could support my bad habits.
For once I'm glad there wasn't morning sex. Yes, that sore from the night before.
Well it's a moot point because I did have a sink & I peed in it.
Discovered a freckle on my clitoris. What have you done today?
It seems that only way I've actually improved myself after 2 years of writing for the school newspaper is that I've mastered the art of descriptive words to improve my sexting skills
Next time someone asks you what your spirit animal is do you really want to answer the iowa state fair butter cow?
No I did not just post a Craigslist ad for a used stripper pole because I can't afford my own. But now that you put the idea in my head I might have to.
I know he’s a bad decision but he's casual, his penis is amazing and his technique is on point.
Sometimes I look at her and just start choking. She is that much of an evil entity.
My professor just told my lab he could drive us around town in his 1991 Lincoln towncar limo for our bar crawl. This just keeps getting better!
U were so upset when the shower ruined ur nachos. I didn't kno what to do.
I SHOULD BE TERRIFIED OF HIS DRAGON DICK.
You got up in the middle of a sentence, puked, came out and poured another glass of wine and continued your story.
I just racked up a fucking ginormous hospital bill because I came so hard I had an asthma attack
I got kicked out of the E.R. for saying "balls".
Randomize
