Hey babe, chan wants you to stop texting her about the size of TJ's dick. please.
I just realized I've stolen a hat from every guy I fucked. Except the last one. Maybe there is hope for me.
No, my body just knows its the weekend and wants to rage. Very different from alcoholism
There is a homeless man handing out free beer on the city bus. He has a cooler and everything. I love this trashy yet generous city.
Dude how did you get resin on my keyboard?
Bonus points if someone shits their pants. Only 1/2 bonus points if it's you
Bonus points are bonus points regardless
ders ninda duuude pooring goden shots ov glory. I see em an i dont but there hear.
are you attempting voice recognition while drunk again?
Like wrapping my dick in silk, wrapping that in velvet, and putting it in a cloud. A warm, tight, wet cloud.
Mainly I just wanna pet bunnies. And purple chicks. Well any color chicks if I close my eyes. But purple if I open them.
Yeah, I only wore tennis shoes under the gown. Way cooler than khakis and a shirt, but much more awkward when my parents wanted to go to dinner immediately after the ceremony and my grandmother started to unzip the gown. Stopped her before it was too late, but barely. My dad just rolled his eyes.
just give up on your dreams and come get shit house drunk with me.
Come over so I can fuck you louder than her country music
EVERYBODY CALM YOUR SHIT
Sometimes being bisexual is a curse. Turns out I banged both of her older twin brothers last summer.
He was singing on top of spaghetti, and then started crying. He said it was the saddest song ever, "so so sad".
Randomize
