My mouth tastes like defeat. Did he at least have money?
I'm at breakfast still drunk holding a blow up parrot
what did gay clubs do before lady gaga
If she's telling you consent laws theres probably a reason
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
hes wearing the same tie today that i tied him up with last night.i wanna go home
dont call me baby and dont touch my ears. ITS ALL I ASK
Pretending to leave a voicemail when the person answers the phone....that's gotta be drunk dial level 99
He broke the bed, AND shit in the closet. What a way to lose his virginity. What a night.
GOOD MORNING. Have you seen the Avenger vibrators?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Saved a second guy who was crying/on the verge of wigging out. Just call me the drug whisperer.
Take a shit and have a hit. It's the Sunday Funday Rule.
He fingered me to the beat of the Fresh Prince theme song... it was pretty fantastic.
so.. please tell me you did not really sleep on the washing machine last night
guilty
I think it may be easier if I stay drunk/high til the wedding. You game?
I just got a text from a stranger offering to shave my asshole. I've been sober and out of town for a week, are you using my number as a dial-a-dumping again?
Randomize