oh wait, my morality sensor is a little fucked up since I almost let my little sister's friend blow me.
he just told me his nickname was "nickexplodeon"
does that mean he doesn't last long?
He just kept yelling woof and then threw money all over me...
No stds, not pregs, and lost two pounds. I'd call that a successful two years of grad school.
I told him we can only be friends from now on & he said he knows but that I'm the 'best he ever had'.
you slept with him again didn't you
you can't just quote Drake AND compliment me at the same time & receive nothin. he knows me too well
Had sex five times today because there was nothing else to do. I had no idea snow days could get even better than when we were kids
I want to know him. He looks like he makes really good breakfast burritos.
I should start riding the bus again so I can drink all day
If eating a cheesesteak naked doesn't make me feel better, then I don't know what will.
I seriously think I got run over last night.. My sides are bruised and I got a ride home in the limo from the office.
There is a 5-year old here fighting 'drunk monkeys'. He tried to knock a drink out of my hand with a plastic light saber...
Yep if he's taking selfies he's probably on drugs again.
anyways, do you want to make more embarrassing memories that im bound to remind you about later and laugh about?
Bring me your tired, your weary, your buffalo chicken dip
She slapped a big dramatic bandage on my arm and people started buying me drinks...I plan on wearing a full body cast tomorrow night.
Randomize
