My clean wipe streak was ended today by two enchiladas and a can of refried beans. dammit i should have been more cautious. thanks for all ur encouragement and support.
you washed your face with toilet water last night.. i tried to stop you but you wouldn't have it.
I decided that just having that story under my belt and being able to tell it to my grandchildren is worth the regrets of the evening.
he said i was so drunk that i shared a urinal with him and we simultainiously peed
well we could tame deer to let us ride on them. does that work?
We thought she was passed out on the toilet, but she raised her head to tell me the word I couldn't remember was "empathize." Then she puked blood and passed out.
we are blowing up condoms and making balloons and we’re drunk on the floor. You could have come to school here
Me and this 7 year old almost finished a large pizza. And when I say me and this 7 year old I really mean me.
And if I don't get arrested for drinking and canoeing over the next 3 days, this hurricane will not have turned out anywhere near as well as I planned
I had to ask. I mean when you get a snap chat of a nipple you have to ask who's it is.
I need Mexican food. Like, I'd take it through a needle at this point. It's totally worth the track marks.
40s are totally the cure
I think he bit my vagina. Who does that?
I'm debating a nap but also debating breaking into the liquor cabinet
Officially hit an ultimate low today. I was so hung-over I threw up on the ground in front of the jousting display in the London tower. But on a positive note, Brits are very understanding when you vomit on their history.
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