Got separated, got a half bj, got dropped off in random part of the city, don't tell anyone
Sometimes I worry for your future but then I remember how big your boobs are.
I think it's time we have the "weird fetish" talk.
Drunk on Tuesday. Double fisting. Mmmbop is playing. Only girl in the group. Life is complete.
So the first 4 hours of my morning was equivalent to seeing under water. Things were starting to get better until I remember I drank mustard for free stuff and flossed my teeth with a strand of hair from a stranger in the bathroom.
I complimented him on his choice of carpeting while he was humping me.
Cassie is wearing a baseball cap. This rebound is going nowhere
Also I played a weird game of chicken in the ladies room at work between myself the person pooping 2 stalls over and a very determined maintenance man.
Also, I cannot stop picturing myself in a bar, 3 years from now ordering soda. Just soda. 30 pounds over weight and wearing a cat sweater. I feel like I'm heading in the wrong direction in life.
I am descending into that finals week rage fueled by ramen, mountain dew and bad sex is what's up.
But, if I start dating you brother, I can't talk to you about the sex anymore!! Like... Can we talk about it anonymously?! I just won't use his name.
I think I sent pictures of my boobs to an Olympic athlete...
whered you go
woke up in a ditch, shat infront of a little league game, slept in her stairway...i need to come here more often
Remember when I was real fucked up and said I would give up utensils and only use chopsticks for lent?...just got the reminder on my phone.
There's just something classy about smoking a blunt in a prom dress.
Randomize
