I wish scraping a resin bowl could be considered cleaning.
So he just rolled over in his sleep and said "that's a punctuation mark..."
I faked it too. I just spit on your bed.
A very small part of me wants you to appreciate me for more than just my breasts. But the rest of me is breasts.
So i learned you can't hair-of-a-dog jaeger hangovers.
She told me that as long as she kept starring at the freckle on her arm she wouldnt throw up
The last thing I remember is trying to split my bridesmaid dress down the back like the incredible hulk.
and you succeeded.
Home. Barefoot. Drunk. Crying. Puked. Brushed teeth. Washed face. Dying. Need Cuddle.
I'm watching people hook up tonight who, when they wake up tomorrow, are going to wish they were blind.
just walked across campus with a bottle of champagne in between my boobs. night two and the quest for classiness is already over
think before you get married my friend it's my birthday and just got done jacking off
So uh... Did you mail me business cards that describe my profession as "tortured soul"?
I have wine with a bendy straw bitches I can do fucking anything
I think my dick has healed enough that we can start having sex again
Me and my boss just exchanged pictures of our bongs and such...I don't know I feel about this
Randomize
