I asked my mom, she said yes...but you have to shower with grandpa.
I think, one-on-one, Paul Rudd could be very threatening in like a REALLY good way.
We were making out in the bushes when some dude comes and starts peeing beside us.
She is going down in cock block history. He went in to kiss me and she threw her hand between our faces and yelled "DENIED!"
Hooking up with him would mean my type has officially become... drug dealer.
I just celebrated my ex boyfriends birthday by having more sex than he will today.
This year I'm going to try NOT getting arrested. I think the 30th birthday is the cutoff for calling Mom to bail me out.
Would it be bad if I bought her bread, meat, cheese, and stuff as her christmas present so she can make me a sandwich?
I'm sorry but you're choosing a girl that faked a pregnancy when you wouldn't return her calls over a more attractive sane girl who you begged for a chance with last week? God you're a loser.
My vagina feels like it's been kissed by angels.
You brought string cheese to the strip club
My hangover didn't kick in until like 4pm so I found myself puking in the middle of Times Square. During rush hour. In a three piece suit. A spongebob came by and patted me on the back.
I thought I came here to hook up, not for a Study Abroad 101 session
The last time I saw you you got angry and yelled "WHISKEY DOESNT COUNT" ... I think that's at least a 7 on the hotmess scale.
They told him he could only pay in monopoly money and he pulls out a wad of it from his pocket... i think im in love
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