i hope your v-card owns a pair of floaties
dear life, i get it, drinking is not a contest
The things that come out of my body both amaze and disturb me.
i just ordered an al pacino with double mocha at starbucks.. i'm waiting to see how long it takes the chick to realize what i said.
I just banged that chick from the bar by speaking french. all i had to do was recite my grocery list
She gave me head because I gave her my pack of cigarettes...And you said quitting would be hard.
No, I am not setting up my roomba to clean up puke.
just walked across campus with a bottle of champagne in between my boobs. night two and the quest for classiness is already over
I'm not going to be your wingman while you are in the hospital.
alicia just called me and talked to me in "the eternal language of the dinosaurs" and then kind of roared and gurgled. what kind of 4th of july are you guys having?
the boozy kind. is there any other?
I just threw up 34 cents. What in god's name did we do last night?
I have visions of guys in cheetah costumes with suits over it pissing on a children how are you
I am naked, and drinking straight gin with a flat tonic chaser. I had such greater hopes for myself as a child.
yea...tonic water is fucking gross.
If someone tells me they're a paramedic, how inappropriate is it for me to ask what their save to kill ratio is?
So i woke up on a park bench... Using my shoe as a pillow, cuddling a empty handle of vodka... Yet I'm still in my living room. Someone please tell me why all my vodkas gone? I'll deal with the park bench situation at a later time.
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