Keeping hand sanitizer and lube in the same drawer in the same size bottle = awful idea
I give him blow jobs while he watches sports.. how am I not his gf yet??
Ia nefed hefelkp i am a taxi
Your job is getting in the way of our day drinking. Shots on the hour are not as cool alone.
Hey. Whatever time u wake up let me know Ur alive. I need my vegas partner... I don't think they let u take corpses on a plane.
He's basically wearing those Nike boner sweatpants. It's hard not to jump him. How has your day been?
Not blacking out at our finals party is my Everest
Sex should always be followed by Chinese food in bed.
But how do I turn off the feelings though?
Vodka.
I have more sex toys than shoes - HOW AM I SINGLE?!?!?
I just got home and someone ate all my chicken nuggets. Bitches be asking for a death sentence?
I would have publicly shamed him but I'm pretty sure his tramp stamp did that on its own...
I'm assuming you were here at some stage because I woke up alone, clean and in a towel with mum asking my why my shoes, dress and jewellery were in the bottom of the shower.
You tried to see how many socks you can stuff in yor mouth and I just put on a damp sock. Is this what bestfriends have come to these days???
She just texted me saying "come over and eat me out, my vagina smells like honey glazed ham." I know I shouldn't be, but i'm just so curious.
Randomize
