eh.. i should've known it was headed downhill after he used the phrase "pussy sundae"
Lets get really high and only speak Spanish to each other again tonight
Ketchup is God's man juice
he took his pants off right in front of me then just stood there so i went for his boxers and he said he was waiting till marriage
he passed out on the stove with a cup in his hand. yes the pictures are hilarious
Just had a stripper snatch my glasses off my face with her ass
I JUST WANT TO WATCH PORN BUT THE CAT IS JUST SITTING HERE LICKING HIS BALLS. I CAN'T DO IT.
Definitely just put my car on cruise control so I could stick my head out of the sunroof while driving to taco bell.
I think that the winner of this years fantasy football league should get naming rights to you child
But Alex is drunk in Philly and I told him to come see me so that's "first-love,-drunk,-high,-and-it's-a-snow-day-hook-up-with-an-ex" points. 69
It has been so long since I got any action that I have decided to change my vagina's name from "the chamber of judgement" to "the cave of forgotten dreams".
Today's walk of shame includes last nights hair and make up, an 8 hour shift, me leading a meeting and me throwing up in a parking lot on my way to work. Dear world, you're welcome.
I think someone cast a spell on the lazy stoner rich boy stereotype and it came to life and called me.
The cop asked me why my pants were around my knees when he woke me from the sink, i replied "Officer, my underwear is still on, nothing bad happened" then he nodded in acknowledgement and we carried on with the paper work.
they just got in argument over who had more of your dick pics. quit sending shit to my sisters fucker
Randomize
