I havnt been this mad since the coche de Los murtos incident
He only dropped the Russian accent after we started having sex.
We can add pilot to the list of people who's lives I've changed...with my penis.
I found out his name. Apparently we sat in the shower together and flooded the bathroom.
But first time having sex and he went down on me twice?! I'm gonna marry this guy
I'll make sure to include that in my bridesmaid toast
Holy high batman
The hairdryer was like a fuckin obstacle course
Do you think if i wear this shirt with my bengals boxers this kid will fall out of love with me a little bit because that's what I was going for.
Stop watching porn on my work computer.
STOP WORKING ON MY PORN COMPUTER.
The alcohol tastes like we did a beer run at the nail salon
jesus, I think that canada gold metal game has completely changed all rules of acceptable drinking habits, I was fucked untill noon and I just got invited to go party when I get off work...at 600am...and NO ONE understood why i was hesitant
Now everytime I sit on a toilet I think about having sex with him. Great.
She shoved her hand down my pants and held my cock for thirty minutes in the bar. It was like she was letting all the other females know I was hers.
Look, I've got a really big car. We just need to put ourselves in it and put some body parts in other body parts.
Can you please come in my room and pour water in my mouth? Too hungover to move. btw who is this guy in my bed? Can't see his face. Cute?
why the hell are you crying over taco bell?
Randomize
