It was kind of weird
What did your mom walk in?
She flung her tampon across the room.
...i'd have to set their sheets on fire.
You were crying in a drunken stupor for an hour because "the new daft punk album didn't blow your tits off"
By the way I got my period today. No NHL babies for me.
You're right. I woke up today with my ugly sweater still on and no pants. I'd say it was a successful night.
This time last year, you were undressing me from my gecko costume and getting freaky in a public bathroom. Tough to top that New Years Eve.
It was marvelous. I was drunkenly conversing with my professor in some of the best Spanish I've ever spoken.
I wouldn't know what to do. You never really mentally prepare for a cactus getting thrown at your face.
I apologize in advance for the number of sex toys drying on the bathroom sink.
You're just a heartbreaker with a knitting problem
If sandwichs had dicks, my life would be complete
I'm starting to think my emotional health is declining because I was watching transformers today and legit almost started crying
now to finish some work and then i think i'll work out. or garden. or at the very least I'll continue eating frozen grapes and take more drugs
Your penis is the destroyer of worlds.
We didn't get home until 4 am. Her mom let us in, confessed that she had sex with someone she worked with and said he had a small penis. I love this family.
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