Michelle and I recorded her bunny humping it's little rubber black ball.
I fatbooth all their pics then decide which one is the cutest even if they gained like 400 lbs and then proceed to fuck him.
He has a clip art-style heart tattooed on his hip. I hated him way before I saw his tiny dick.
I'm not sure what happened. But I must have won because I obviously stole two full pitchers of beer from the bar and taped a note on them saying "your welcome"
Even jesus won't love me after tonight. I'm going hard.
Trying to convince myself that everyone keeps staring at me because I'm pretty and not because of my hickies.
Just puke out the sadness. Like a fuckin dragon.
On a side note...my DUI lawyer just snapchatted me. This is the exact moment in time when I realized my like IS a joke.
DONT TALK SHIT ABOUT LUNCHABLES
We had sex in the morning in pregnant lady position. Like fuck me like the hott piece of ass that I am, not your wife of 7 years.
Yeah we fucked. I ran into her the next day, I had to pick up the girl scout cookies I ordered from her boyfriends kids.
I couldn't find a water bottle, so I sent her to school with her juice in a flask. Who the hell let me become a parent?
Can't find my wig, my underwear, or my dignity. Halloween 2016
You are ridiculously similar to a unicorn, and I want to fuck that unicorn.
Guess who won a basket of sex toys in front of his parents, aunts, uncles, sister, and cousin...
Randomize
