I'm walking behind a man wearing a womans shirt, heels, mens pants and a baseball hat
There's a walmart bag of my vomit outside my front door. I just really need someone to appreciate that with me.
Just saw an old man buy two cases of keystone light, a case of milwaukee's best and a case of icehouse. Degenerate alcoholic of senior citizen of the year?
I'm so glad i pay social security
But why is there no point in liking him? Does he have herpes? Is he married? Is he gay? Did he get his penis chopped off in a freak accident? If the answer is no to all of the above, then he is fair game
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I never once brought up his unibrow when he was insulting me. That's class.
... was I dreaming when we did coke off of the xbox, or did that really happen?
do you remember the combo for the lock to my pants?
It's raining. Will need ride home and blow job.
if i can hear my landlord's phone ring you think be can hear my vibrator?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just at the gym drinking. We call it treadmillcolada
Note to self: don't practice nerdy white girl dance choreography in the company bathrooms no matter how nice the huge mirrors and lighting are.
Only thig bad about that muscular chick from the gym is she liked it so rough I had to bust out a few wrestling moves from highschool
this potential sugar daddy just sent me a photo of him butt naked in the woods saying he wants to "grow our spirits together." so i think i found us a new drug dealer!
So, I gotta figure when the nurses at the emergency room noticed my new hair cut it means I'm there too often, right?
the cops drove by and you were on your back in the middle of the side walk with your arms and legs in the air yelling that you were a dead bug .
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