____ banged a stripper...well technically she's now a hooker...
at FSU your more likely to get an STD than a parking spot
gettin pulled by a cop with a camera crew. gonna flee. want my 15 min of fame on cops.
Its really not funny anymore. I need to stop shaving while i'm drunk
when a girl feels in her heart, the way she feels in her vagina, anything is possible.
this cock blocking thing really has to end bro...its one thing to tell jen i live with my mom.. its another to cut the brakes on my car..
and by clear my head i mean get drunk and cry myself into oblivion.
Can we do a version of last night where I actually remember shit?
I just don't understand how we smoked the EXACT same thing and I feel fine but Tim's over here serenading his fifth bowl of fruit loops with Elton John's entire discography.
I'm starting to think I didn't bring enough liquor for this family Christmas.
It's 2 pm....
I guess my vagina missed him because it called and left a 5 min. message. Color me impressed
I literally ate pizza on a toilet and made up reasons as to why you should make out with that boy. I am unstoppable.
The moment when you and your BFF compare frequently used emojis and realize you have similar mental disorders and a really weak alibi.
UHG. i just want to have hot lesbian sex and eat pizza with you.
OH GOD IT TASTES LIKE IT SMELLS
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