Someone wrote that you're a whore in one of the bathroom stalls
I didn't know I was popular enough to be hated. This is awesome
if you don't open the door right now liz is going to get pregnant
he whispered in my ear that he would be upstairs and i should come up. i stayed downstairs. he came back down and repeated to whisper in my ear. this happened about 5 times until he passed out.
you kept singing the copa cabana and saying HAVE A BANANA to random people on the street. you also went up to this poor short guy and hugged him while proceeding to yell I LOVE YOU CHILD MAN into his face. please tell me you're sober now
Just had sex in the basement of the library... I knew I was paying $120,000 for something more than a law degree
Interesting preview of what next year will be like. Side note, missing a chunk of flesh from my middle finger.
I just threw up blood. Also i just remembered i got hit in the face with a 2 by 4.
We all make mistakes. Just lock them up deep down inside your mind so they can surface as weird sexual fantasies it takes your therapist years to decipher when your 40
Part of me really wants this picture, but the other part of me knows if he is really this drunk, he could be sodomizing a lamp and not know it
I just wrote a love letter to my weed and texted it to my cousin. I can't say it any differently. It happened.
My greatest achievement in life thus far is being the go to friend when you have questions about butt plugs.
One. But meh. I upped my age limit to like 29 hoping I'll match with this one fedex guy that delivers packages to my work
You tried to chase every shot with a blueberry.
im going to smoke a cigarette and reflect on my life choices
After 25 beers and 3 shots my best friend thought it would be an amazing idea to get his dick pierced. We are on our way.
Randomize
