so how much must it suck for him to know that the penis of his best man has been in his wife's mouth before?
yeah my parents were only ten feet away and we somehow managed to do it in five different positions without them noticing
I'm sitting in class drinking a forty out of a paper bag. No ones said anything yet. I think my professor is trying to ignore me. Better start yelling louder.
you were stumbling around in your attic looking for all your swim team medals because you wanted to "feel like a champion."
I legitimately sent him a storybook of naked pictures.
Tuesday night just isn't my ideal coke binge night.
Been home for 3 days and already spiked coffee with Kahlua. Only 106 till we go back to school
No she stopped screaming. Now she's eating popcorn. Off a plate. With a spoon.
we're like Indians of the 21st century. trading not for food and survival but personal gain and by trouble you mean getting daytime drunk and going to the roller ring then yes.
Getting high magically turns headaches into rainbows.
Dunno why I keep hitting snooze. It's never gonna give me the kind of sleep I need to be sober.
Woke up at 10 with bourbon being shoved down my throat and him yelling, "shot train! Don't be a bitch"
You slapped the bar and yelled "daddys thirsty!" at the lady behind the bar
To be fair I was thirsty
When she told you not to yell you looked directly at me and screamed "Man, she sucks!"
i woke up on someones kitchen floor, and i used the gps in my phone to find my way home. im really glad you forgot about me.
I didn’t spend $100 for a wax to sit here and listen to you FT your brother to complain about how bad the Jets are.
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