The world needs more lipstick lesbians, if anything.
Dude. Muppets take manhattan on netflix instant. Pass my midterm or relive my childhood? Tough decision.
i guess this means i'm going to be wearing knee socks during sex again
That's the first time you've ever said the L word without referring to drinking or partying.
I just got home. Seriously all I remember is taking out my contacts and putting your balls in my mouth.
he's doing fine. just headbutted the wall and threw up
i told you that I felt like my feet were melting into the ground and you starting blowing on them to put out the "invisible fire". thanks friend.
I had to break up with him he didn't understand my priorities. I'm sorry but Saturday nights are for pot and Doctor Who. I'm not going to change who I am.
can you just act like it's not so easy to get a blowjob from me??
I KNEW IT. I HAD A FEELING. THIS IS GODS CURSE. BREAK UP WITH A SEX GOD. GET ONE OF HIS PEASANTS.
He's texting from midnight mass asking for nude pics. Baby Jesus is spinning in his manger as we speak
do you remember showing me a picture of your husbands penis last night?
yea! the mushroom one. i would only show you.
You are lucky that I'm drunk. Otherwise I would bone you into another universe
He played with my nipples while singing "How great thou art"
Just calling to thank you for not dying. I love you.
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