just had a super intense, drunken debate about which blink182 member is the most fuckable. i got so mad i left the room. new low.
I have a pussy blister if you wanna poke at it with a needle tomorrow...by this text i realize just how strange our relationship is, especially because you're probably excited
I think you mean your blister is filled with pus...atleast i hope
cutting back on calories before spring break by only taking shots instead of drinking actual drinks.
the diet of an alcoholic...
during a bj, his alarm went off and he said "At the buzzer"
If you hook up with your cousin you will permanently be my favorite person ever.
Does peppermint hummus sound good or am I just high?
I lull them into a false sense of security with my gayness. Then when they're vulnerable, I strike, like a snake. A big non-gay snake, with huge balls.
While I'm on hiatus from the Russian potato nectar, it is my wish for others to enjoy it in my stead.
Bro, you're like, my right testicle. Can't go anywhere without you.
The amount of drugs I did this weekend make me concerned about my health but at the same time fascinated to see if I could do more
Agreed then we'll really be on our A game tomorrow. And by A I mean alcohol.
I knew you were super hungover. But so hungover you fire our house cleaner because her vacuums too loud is excessive
I woke up in a cornfield to shouting, a bottle of Jim Beam, and a bunch of mc muffins. If this doesn't scream Illinois, idk what does.
the guy working the counter at the liquor store noticed i got my haircut and said it was pretty.....
Remember those two guys in our frat that would no homo everything? I just got an invitation to their wedding.
Randomize
