he is the anna nicole to my 90 year-old billionaire. i'm grateful that he's fucking me, so i'm buying him shit.
How can people commit suicide when things like bagels exist
Hypothetically, how much legal trouble do you think i will be in for stealing someone's dog?
I really wanna know when trying to grow up turned into try not to throw up.
Because once my penis is in motion, it stays in motion unless another force acts upon it.
i told him i was allergic to semen. he pulled out an epipen.
Grandma is giving me marriage advice again. On the plus side, she thinks I'm straight now.
Btw he dated my mom. You're Eskimo siblings with my mom. Good job.
the 5 D's of Dodgeball literally just saved my life
I just got a job offer for Australia. Unfortunately I have given the name of Whitney
he woke up this morning, drunk as fuck, butt ass naked, and he had left grandmas gun on the counter and doesn't know why.
I thought I needed to get laid. Turns out I just needed pasta.
you should probably call the Bronx Zoo in the morning to formally apologize
its the right thing to do
we decided to take the jello everclear shot at the party...didnt think it tasted any different....o dear god...the regret..
I collect Covid conspiracy theories like I collect Pokemon.
Randomize
