I see an opportunity for you to use your nakedness to cure my boredom.
and those juicy C cups turned out to be oddly-shaped A's when her padded bra came off.
Reason #437 to hate Louisiana: Just went to the public bathroom at work. It was so humid the toilet seat was damp and sticky. Either it's the humidity or I sat in somebody's yesterday piss. I choose to believe the humidity.
I remember spending $50 at Ozzie's on Friday...my Visa remembers $120.
Used tampon in my purse. That from you?
i dont think the girl sending me nudes is qualified to pass judgement on me
He booked us a hotel at a resort in cancun for sprng break... I just wanted to get laid this weekend when i was blackout i didnt know it was gonna spiral into a mess of events like a 5 month in advance commitment
In less than 3 minutes we had 3 security guards running after us
I took his sheets with my when I left seeing that I underestimated my period. Also grabbed a 6-pack out of the fridge because breakfast is the most important meal of the day & I don't do other peoples laundry for free.
I totally cried the whole time and then screamed out my new therapists name....
Finals are done.. I just wanna get drunk and pretend I'm a seahorse.
Hostess is going out of business we'll never survive the apocalypse
I'm drinking your booze since you ate my pop-tarts. I'm telling you this because I still don't think it's a fair trade.
I have a magical vagina and I can't deny it anymore
Mom says you're allowed to come home if you replace the towels. I don't want to know why.
Randomize
