I didn't slap you in the face. TEQUILA slapped you with my hand...
Im going to bring a boy home tonight, and not tell him that I have my period. So when he tries to fuck me, I say no, and look really classy. Then he thinks I'm marriage material. So I give him head.
i'm watching the tyra show: "women who beat up their boyfriends" - lets see how she can make THIS one all about herself too.
It was kind of like a train wreck, except alcohol would have improved the situation greatly.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
your mom just called me and asked me why i'm not in jail with you right now.
My Mom printed off all of my Augusts text messages. Apparently I've been drinking WAY too much and having an intermediate drug problem. I have to go home everyw weekend for the rest of the semester
Bring gay.
By that I meant the rum. I just realized that my request made no sense. You always bring gay.
Its not even real halloween yet. This extremely toxic yet briliant costume is going to kill me
I had an epiphany. If a dude dressed up as Batman to ask me out, I'd prolly marry him.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Oh god. I just had a sex dream about the talking dog from the Bush's Baked Beans commercials.
I've never heard "I will drown your mother in vanilla pudding" as an insult before, and then last night happened.
Ladies and gentlemen, the only person I know who would keg stand in pearls and a bow.
We broke into the kitchen, stole cooking aprons, and wore them on the dance floor.
Let's be real. I'm the Usain Bolt of running away after hookups. Fastest (wo)man alive.
Your shit was massive.
I'm not 100% sure how to respond to that.
If you were in a "who has the massivest shit contest", you'd win by a landslide.
Randomize