Sundresses, hats, and big glasses. That is the greatest trick the devil ever taught women.
you never know when you'll meet the man of your dreams and bang him in an elevator
She liked every single Facebook status in her newsfeed and then made her status 'I LIKE U GUYS'
I booked us a cruise for November. Lose 20 pounds and don't cheat on me before then.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I kept pulling the $1 bills off the stage and told everyone "no no no she has to work for this money"
By the way, turns out "Danny B" is his penis. Not his cousin. I was right.
We literally played a game called pass the child which consisted of us shitfaced tossing the 5 year old birthday boy at each other
Moonshine marathon is never a good idea
Good, be his mentor. Like a tiny gay Yoda.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think we can say happy hour is successful when you have frosting and southern comfort in your hair.
I have one goal now that I am in the USA. To find a man I can fuck into marriage before my visa runs out.
I thought the first time I got peed on it would be by a baby...
i do my most serious thinking while screwing her. ive pondered everything from quantum physics to the life cycle of a badger. if i keep this up ill have a phd in no time.
Had sex on your trumpet just an fyi.
Is it acceptable to respond to a declaration of love with 'and I love your dick'? Asking for a friend who shares a name and possibly a phone number with me. Entirely coincidental.
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