it was the worst sex ever in the history of sex. i mean ever. and he thought he was great. actually told me he was the best id ever had...what was i supposed to say? lol...i've had better times by myself. seriously.
I woke up naked in my living room and my mom was next to me like we need to talk
I just saw the dad from "Little People Big World" at the airport. I chased him down and congratulated him for beating the DUI.
Let's face it. We both have sexy parts. Why not have them touch?!
i was trying to find the best way to say come over and have sex, without saying it.
I woke up with her little sister yelling "she's dead !!" from the bathroom doorway.
She just fell in the river. Meet us downstream with the bottle.
You wouldnt be able to explain the can of green beans in my mailbox, would you?
Whoever invented the gimlet should be given a medal and then shot
I'm considering having a threesome with my friend just so I can sleep with his boyfriend and not feel guilty about it.
I had to puke in a ditch beside a cow pasture and like 50 cows just stood there and watched. I could feel the judgment.
somebody went from crying while watching Full House, to a full on emotional raging bull...I love this time of the month
I never turn down an adventure. My life is like a sexual Lord of the Rings.
How the hell do you misplace a bag of tacos in a closet?
Can we go out and get blitzed in celebration that they'll be no more surprise kids
Randomize
