Who is this?
Who do you want it to be?
Sarah Palin
I've got the updo, bangs, and glasses, but I'm blonde
Well i then put my mattress in my closet and am currently on it. This is a new one.
thanks for brining me home and putting me in my bed. the pillow fort your built around me is also appreciated.
I didnt shave my beard last night, so I could feel it while Im shrooming today
How does one fall all the way up a flight of stairs? Its hard on me knowing that the survival of our species depends on me not reproducing.
It was like an alcohol war zone and you left a soldier behind.
I woke up on your bathroom floor, i used your towel I found laying on the floor as a cape to get to your bed. I thought it would help me walk straight if I looked like a superhero
His penis has been a bonding mechanism beyond comparison.
You remember the guy they called Meat in high school? Well, let's just say my vagina remembers him now.
fond memories of taking my pregnancy test here in this Burger King
orgasmnado...tomorrow night
That's what I'm talking about
So I bought that bathing suit yesterday and got buyers remorse so I returned it today and then stole it. Win win.
Its really awkward pooping while on videochat. Even if you turn the video off.
Either my apartment is haunted or I'm far more drunk than I thought
I need you to sex the hangover out of me again.
Randomize
