Gettin pulled over, can you watch my dog and pay the bils for a while?
he wasnt into me til he saw how good i was at ms pacman. wtf why does this always happen? when she kisses pacman it was a little awkward, so i made my move. i went for more than one kind of banana last night!
I can't ever handle being "that girl" again. At least not until next semester.
you were holding her hair as she threw up saying "I'm going to be a great doctor" repeatedly.
These 23 People Had Coworkers From Hell
you wouldn't stop saying "oil can" in the tin man voice until I gave you back your flask
There comes a time in every girls life when she must use her boobs for good instead of evil.
Your pregnant arnt you
All the girls at the party had American flag thongs on... Pretty impressed with coordination seeing as how impromptu this event was
Shared a jello shot with her mom last night. then she tucked me in and took of my shoes for me
Dude that bathroom stall was not tall enough to be doing lines in, guys kept peeking over and giving us high fives
21 NSFW Facts About Famous Celebrities That Will Blow Your Mind
Hey just wanted to let you know my nose is broken and I have a fractured wrist. I told you it wasn't a slip and slide.
Dude I didn't think you'd do it. I mean come on, who puts a slip and slide on their driveway?
I'll have you know my trust issues and my daddy issues are two COMPLETELY different topics of conversation.
we told the drug dealer that our car was dead and we needed a jump so he would bring the drugs to us...
i feel like spreading the word of drunken joy.
Using my graduation announcement box as a table to roll a blunt on. I've official stopped giving a shit about senior year
Hey, remember that time a week ago when we walk-of-shamed literally down the Vegas Strip at 8:45am and I had one broken heel?