i just saw a girl w/ a shirt that said "im the single friend." yeah i bet u r. stop wearing shirts like that and that could change.
a girl just told me i should have been born earlier in the alphabet
Chicago was legit, ate some badass pizza and gave a cig to a crackhead..its all i thought it would be
I miss seeing your mom and dad at church, well mostly just your mom... She used to hug my face into her boobs.
These 33 Eskimo Brothers Boinked The Same Person And Couldn’t Be More Proud
this isnt the person you just texted but i have her phone. she disappeared when the bacon came home and she hasn't returned since.
i was actually impressed that she managed to throw up underwater while scuba diving
As a matter of principle, I waited until noon to start the drinking binge.
I just had my first boner in 64 days today....glad to find out my fluids are still pumpin
I just woke up tangled in fishing line while wearing someone else's bathing suit with fishes drawn all over me. What kind of sex did we have?
17 Inappropriate Things People Did With Instruments
It is completely possible to eat beef jerky sexually.
Hungover, threw up in a cosmetic case in my car this morning. This is real life.
I rammed pretzels and Jell-O shots down the throats of those I loved.
he has pokemon bedsheets but his dick is huge so i took one for the team
But I made it seem like I wasn't hungover at work, so that's a plus.
We're listening to drake in the middle of the woods and smoking two joints at once...my life is complete.