i just overheard my mom tell my dad he should drink less so he could hit the right hole
let me put it this way. im never saying "join in or get out" again unless i know whos in the room.
Clearly I made an impression.
Or at least your vagina did.
you go from almost hooking up with the hottest guy at the party, to going home with your ex....how is that even mathematically possible
27 Socially Expected Things That Are The Absolute Worst
He got me an interview at his law firm and his boss asked him what he had to say about me. His response "He dates CRAZY bitches."
I'm a gymnast. they should know better than to let me get dunk near anything i can flip on
There is no such thing as a great breathalizer story. That isn't a thing that exists.
I'm drunk at 3:28
I'm jealous as shit at 3:34
Thats not real though. Slash there are other extenuating circumstances to lead me to believe dick is wanted
HOLY FUCK I SPELLED EXTENUATING RIGHT ON THE FIRST TRY. IM THE BEST DRUNK NA
These 21 People Are Related To Famous Celebrities
You just want to live out all your fuck fantasies with all these girls through me. I know your game. Well played sir.
Sex followed by chicken and waffles... Hands down my favorite morning plans. Count me in.
The difference between 22 and 28 is bigger than I realised. I had the urge to put on Spongebob and give him a cookie.
In retrospect, vomiting out of a moving vehicle on the third date should have been a deal breaker
I've never SEEN someone give negative fucks before. It's actually rather impressive. I want to study under them.
honestly the most stressful part of moving is the chance my mom will find my vibrator