i went to toss her salad and she had a toilet paper clinger on one of the hairs
You came into my room at 3am.. drunk.. and asked to do spanish homework together. Props for being a good student.
I hit a bug from across the room with my flip flop boomerang style. That awesome.
All the alcohol I spilled on myself must have acted as a disinfectant or something. I haven't showered in three days and I still don't have a staph infection from sleeping on the lawn with you.
I am "lost the control of my head" high right now.
When a best friend shows up on a tricycle with a case a beer and goes "get on loser" you get on, because there is a magical adventure afoot
Woke up naked on your sister's mattress lying next to a single slice of bread.
You were passed out by the toliet and when i said i had to pee you told me to piss in the sink. Never has a girl with alcohol poisoning been so rude.
DIBS ON THE NEW GUY.
NO. NO FUCKING YOUR COWORKERS
I didn't think it was possible but he dislocated his thumb during intercourse last night then cried
It is not a successful senior year unless you show up to campus without pants at least once, right?
Told my fifteen year old cousin's friend what to sext his girlfriend last night. He was scarred for life but she fucking loved it.
So why are your hands bright blue and have you seen my roommate.
Both questions will answer each other.
Well shit I mean if you get a bunch of cashed up drunk lesbians together in a casino, it's bound to go south at some point
Dude, seriously, fucking stop introducing me as "Thomas, with the dick piercing." you are the worst wingman ever.
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