I just snorted a line of adderall through a rolled up business card for the Michigan Law Admissions Office.... Tell me I'm not motivated
No. Do you know how much this carpet cost? If she comes over, you put down towels this time. i'm so not kidding.
I'm trying on my bridesmaid dress so that I can determine what will need to be done to achieve getting fucked while wearing it.
Currently shopping online for cardboard cutouts of various horror characters. That should teach me roommates to stop taking acid on Tuesdays.
20 People Who Caught Their Significant Others Cheating and Hand Over Some Major Karma
The guy at the Apple store said the warranty does NOT cover getting cum out of the keyboard. I can't believe I believed you.
Dave used his AAA card to get my car towed to my house so I could get drunk. Evil genius.
I can't. I think his penis is about to take out a restraining order against me.
IT'S LIKE SHE TAKES SECRET KUNG FU CUNT LESSONS AND THEN BRUCE LEES ALL OVER EVERYONE.
Cops are just so fun an beautifuk
33 Memes You’ll Find Uncomfortably Relatable If You’ve Ever Been Through A Messy Breakup
Guy hitting on me at bar is guy who's Craigslist ad we laughed at the other night. Not even kidding.
Never thought I'd say this but the maple syrup flavored vodka probably wasn't our best idea
I'm just waiting til he drunkenly pisses in his new man's car the way he always whipped it out and went Bellagio in mine.
my star wars tattoo got me laid last night. definitely a dark side sort of benefit im thinking
What's clit gel and why is it in my wallet.
His beard looks like it smells like beer, cocaine and old pussy juice