We can make salsa ya know, maybe even some hot sauce. That doesn't mean we're married.
five shots of tequila, anal and 3 cigarettes. not my best idea on a saturday afternoon.
how hairy? two words: wookie tits
new years resolution: more sex, less car punching, more chipotle.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There was a gorilla playing an accordion outside of my last final. I miss college already.
I crashed her parents' car cause she was giving me road head. Its probably best to just let them think I'm a bad driver.
critical mistake not lubing the nipples
Your boobs are like a big quesadilla marker
Turning 21 will be slightly bittersweet. Never again will I be able to get underage drunk at Disney World, now I'll only be able to get legal drunk and that just sets a whole different and sad tone for my life.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Someone is giving away free yogurt on craigslist. Can I get a ride?
MY INSIDES ARE BASICALLY BEING WRUNG BY A CHAINSAW IM NEVER TAKING PLAN B AGAIN
Did you leave a mouse under my pillow again?
On a serious note, don't let me forget to tell you about firecracker baseball. I'm glad I have my fingers. I had to count them.
So then I got so stoned I sat and took my pulse for 10 minutes.
Last night I realized I made a dick appt 2 MONTHS IN ADVANCE!!!!....... WHO THE HELL DOES THAT!?!? LMAO!
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