Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(817): View more from Texas

i just overheard my mom tell my dad he should drink less so he could hit the right hole

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(801): View more from Utah

let me put it this way. im never saying "join in or get out" again unless i know whos in the room.

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(520): View more from Arizona

Clearly I made an impression.

(404): View more from Georgia

Or at least your vagina did.

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(805): View more from California

you go from almost hooking up with the hottest guy at the party, to going home with your ex....how is that even mathematically possible

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27 Socially Expected Things That Are The Absolute Worst
Read it at the TFLN blog
(716): View more from New York

He got me an interview at his law firm and his boss asked him what he had to say about me. His response "He dates CRAZY bitches."

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(719): View more from Colorado

I'm a gymnast. they should know better than to let me get dunk near anything i can flip on

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(330): View more from Ohio

There is no such thing as a great breathalizer story. That isn't a thing that exists.

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(813): View more from Florida

The difference between 22 and 28 is bigger than I realised. I had the urge to put on Spongebob and give him a cookie.

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(949): View more from California

honestly the most stressful part of moving is the chance my mom will find my vibrator

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