you know i think I know why you are single...because you are real cute but then you open your mouth and let words come out and all goes to hell.
You unbuttoned your shirt and started walking down the center of the road screaming traffic stops for Enrique Iglesias.
Drinking franzia alone at noon watching a cheese themed episode of "The Chew" I'm ready to admit I need a job.
Just saw a guy with two baby turtles sneaking into the building
Why is it that when I sustain a serious injury people are more concerned with my level of inebriation than my personal safety?
When we tried to make a video I set the camera to 3sec pictures accidentally so instead of a movie we have a flipbook of our sex.
You're more than welcome to join us! There's red velvet cake and apparently my pants are open for business I didn't consent to this
I just got my evaluation. My manager told me he hated my guts and pretty much wanted to stab me in the face. Then he gave me an "exceeds expectations" on pretty much everything and a raise.
that's the first time I've heard "shenanigans" and "apocalypse" in the same sentence
HOW DID ALL OF US MISS THE OBVIOUS: I'LL SHAKE YOUR SPEARE
Hey sorry about last night. can I come pick up my tooth?
Also day 6: dick is healed and ready to go back to work.
I just turned down the best booty call of my life because I have to make a cheesecake. I guess this is growing up.
I just gave them my two week notice. Now is the perfect time to fuck my boss's son
I swear he is my soulmate. He kept feeding me goldfish while we were fucking. Who wouldn't enjoy that while having sex.
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