Texts From Last Night

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  (919): View more from North Carolina

  I have a new reason to go to work: I can tell which 3 of my coworkers are sisters just by looking at their butts.

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  (919): I have a new reason to go to work: I can tell which 3 of my coworkers are sisters just by looking at their butts. http://tfl.nu/d6ex
  Replies (32) Good night (3582) Bad night (514)
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  (912): View more from Georgia

  you insisted on breathalizing me with a inhaler.

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  (912): you insisted on breathalizing me with a inhaler. http://tfl.nu/cu8r
  Replies (9) Good night (4425) Bad night (605)
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  (570): View more from Pennsylvania

  I was literally just a half conscious dildo.

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  (570): I was literally just a half conscious dildo. http://tfl.nu/oo11
  Replies (16) Good night (4393) Bad night (1449)
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  (225): View more from Louisiana

  i woke up this morning next to my toilet covered in an attempt to make blanket of toilet paper

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  (225): i woke up this morning next to my toilet covered in an attempt to make blanket of toilet paper http://tfl.nu/01yr
  Replies (16) Good night (3945) Bad night (1430)
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  (612): View more from Minnesota

  Calling yourself a modern day Geisha doesn't justify being a whore.

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  (612): Calling yourself a modern day Geisha doesn't justify being a whore. http://tfl.nu/3jmh
  Replies (15) Good night (4429) Bad night (1286)
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  (250): View more from British Columbia

  Seriously. He was just sitting there naked in the dark with a boner pissed that I came home late.

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  (250): Seriously. He was just sitting there naked in the dark with a boner pissed that I came home late. http://tfl.nu/oeer
  Replies (21) Good night (1272) Bad night (4784)
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  (570): View more from Pennsylvania

  My roommate made me go home after I mooed at fat girls at the gas station.

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  (570): My roommate made me go home after I mooed at fat girls at the gas station. http://tfl.nu/3ja7
  Replies (16) Good night (4140) Bad night (1741)
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  (407): View more from Florida

  Protocol on turning down a date from someone in the House of Representatives?

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  (407): Protocol on turning down a date from someone in the House of Representatives? http://tfl.nu/s936
  Replies (22) Good night (3676) Bad night (935)
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  (203): View more from Connecticut

  Also I smoked away my sore throat last night. It's a 420 miracle.

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  (203): Also I smoked away my sore throat last night. It's a 420 miracle. http://tfl.nu/td6t
  Replies (6) Good night (2646) Bad night (934)
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  (765): View more from Indiana

  Also he wants to know a casual, consise way to ask a girl in a bar if he could eat her out. Think on that.

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  (765): Also he wants to know a casual, consise way to ask a girl in a bar if he could eat her out. Think on that. http://tfl.nu/51k0
  Replies (20) Good night (1568) Bad night (398)
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  (907): View more from Alaska

  She fell asleep with me.... We found her pantsless in the dogbed in the morning... Russian foreign exchange students

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  (907): She fell asleep with me.... We found her pantsless in the dogbed in the morning... Russian foreign exchange students http://tfl.nu/c30c
  Replies (5) Good night (1307) Bad night (376)
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  (610): View more from Pennsylvania

  How the hell do you leave a party with a kitten? It's missing and everyone knows it was you.

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  (610): How the hell do you leave a party with a kitten? It's missing and everyone knows it was you. http://tfl.nu/fpwy
  Replies (8) Good night (2364) Bad night (592)
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  (+44): View more from United Kingdom

  He looked like he was trying to woo a lady version of himself by playing goblin music on his guitar.

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  (+44): He looked like he was trying to woo a lady version of himself by playing goblin music on his guitar. http://tfl.nu/zoch
  Replies (2) Good night (492) Bad night (430)
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  (630): View more from Illinois

  She pulled up to the bar in a limo, wasted, and alone. Gets out, shrugs and slurs "I couldn't find a cab" and proceeds to take a shot.

  (630): View more from Illinois

  I'm in love.

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  (630): She pulled up to the bar in a limo, wasted, and alone. Gets out, shrugs and slurs "I couldn't find a cab" and proceeds to take a shot. (630): I'm in love. http://tfl.nu/l0w2
  Replies (3) Good night (1370) Bad night (306)
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  (903): View more from Texas

  Planning a foam party. Swimsuits are mandatory, and please no granny suits. If you wear a granny suit I will stick you in the corner and put a cone hat on your head.

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  (903): Planning a foam party. Swimsuits are mandatory, and please no granny suits. If you wear a granny suit I will stick you in the corner and put a cone hat on your head. http://tfl.nu/qt0n
  Replies (3) Good night (841) Bad night (232)

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