I swear, if I find out you're lying, I'm going to put your name on one of those herpes watch websites and put the link up on every social networking site in existence.
you kept yelling something about watching the muppets chirstmas carol and trying to turn the t.v. on with your car keys
He looked me in the chest and said "I think I was visited by the titty fairy last night"
I just named my vagina "The Boneyard"
More like "Chia Pet"
four days late. damn you, makeup sex. you win again.
The polaroid of me taking a test-tube of Jegar out of the gay guys mouth pretty much explains my trip to Spain.
As shirtless as possible
The stoned girl at the dining hall just handed me a single chicken wing and insisted that she's "unable to procure more rations"
this is terrible I feel like i'm trapped in a cage with a wild republican
...I think i just fell in love with a random undergrad at first glance. He was the awkward young adult version of captain hook. Dear god i need to get off this campus.
I really enjoy how cavalier you're being about your chlamydia
My fall semester strategy is to submit my papers with a nude selfie
You've got post-grad studies written all over you
i need to un-sleep with a few of those brothers before we ever go back to that house again. i'm serious. i will not be a fraternity groupie.
How do you tell a vegan you want him to stuff you like a turkey?
fuck sobriety. I want to wake up tomorrow in a park or some shit.
Randomize
