Can I come over?
Can't... I'm at class right now.
No your not
I'm outside by your car.
sometimes i think life is slapping me across the face and laughing, saying "ha ha! you're an adult!"
She was crying, alone at a college bar. It would have been rude NOT to try and show my penis to her.
The girl who overdosed in the bathroom at work is back....help?
We are not turning the camelbak into a beer bong
ugh... I can't wait for campus to get back. Then everyone will have other things to try to have sex with besides me.
Sitting on an airplane reeking of booze, sex and shame while surrounded by families coming home from Disney. This is not one of my finer moments.
holy fuck man...it feels like I got beat the fuck out of by death's baseball bat...chimichangas?
fuck that its my house. if i want to take 1 bite out of the chicken & leave the rest i fucking will. suck my dick
Let's say hypothetically if you were going to put icing on a penis and then lick it clean...what would you ice it with? Not a knife right?
Me sprinting out of your house without my bra or shoes is our entire relationship defined in a single moment.
I wanna riverboat gamble on your vaginal waters. Just sayin
if i drink i'll go into liver failure but ok
totally worth it, dude its $1 pbr
NOT PREGNANT according to the two dollar tree pregnancy tests I took in the tacobell bathroom. Come meet me at tacobell for celebratory soft tacos.
When do you think the murder is going to happen in this Lifetime movie of ours?
Randomize
