So I don't have any furniture but we just skateboard drunk around the floor.
so wait, they're fucking, but it doesn't count as cheating cause they only do anal?
I think I should become a real estate agent in th friend zone I know the place so well
the last time i saw him was an hour he was floating face down in a pool... but i'm sure he's fine.
how did my horoscope know i was too hungover to operate a stove.
Passed out mid cig in bed last night. Thank you cough for allowing me legal prescription hydrocodone.
The next time you try to drunkenly strip me in public let's make sure it's not anywhere near the daiquiri factory or a group of police officers.
I desperately wanted to wear your shirt.
He autographed my vag. This fuck just got authentic.
I'm on the toilet with no toilet paper. When are you coming over? I'm contemplating on just staying here until you arrive.
we found him passed out on the baseball field with two 40oz and wearing a tophat.
Where did he get the tophat?
I think your dad took our porno
If I am telling you about the details of the shits I take I probably don't want to have sex with you. Probably.
I think the "tmi" ship sailed a long time ago, and it took our dignities with it..
For a second I thought I had fallen asleep on the floor and freaked out. Then I thought somehow I was on drugs. This is my life.
I don't know man. She said my cock made her promises my heart couldn't fulfill.
Randomize
