he just had his sister send me a message about how he's not a creeper
Was his mother too busy breastfeeding him to do it?
I just watered my plants with apple juice. Look what you made me do.
she wrote "SORRY" in her vomit and left
Dude i'm seriously thinking about his nipples.
side note. good thing you didn't come to drunk breakfast. we were judged by children.
I found his backpack for the weekend. All it had was ping pong balls, mardi gras beads, and Tums.
What I love about college? The kid tripping balls has a kayak made readily available to him on any given Wednesday, Saturday, or Sunday.
Oh man I'm using the bubble wrap that wraped my new vibrator to wrap my dads fathers day gift
Ya I know. She's self aware though, like the terminator. Which is the best kind of crazy
Bad idea to be in a car concussed. I just described his dick as an elevator. I think i meant escalator, i dont know
Possibly threw up in my purse last night. Still suspicious of of all actions
I'm gonna watch porn and nap. I think I really have this Valentine's Day thing down
I don't want the fire department to come out here twice in one weekend because of your god damn vape.
Nothing like casual arson to brighten your day
The neighbors ahemed the WHOLE time. Their kids are the ones that scream loud enough for me to remember my birth control. It's payback!
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