i don't know what kind of porn he watches.. but that is NOT how you do it...
I woke up wearing just my underwear and a headlamp at a different house than I remember passing out at. I told you irish car bombs are not made with an entire guinness.
So there I was.....spitting on my goldfish just to keep it alive.
I don't see why you're so upset, it's not like you were wearing pants either.
Right when he gets off the plane they're going straight to a party where you're only allowed in with a bottle of whisky and they are given bullet proof vests.
Remember when we pinky swore we'd never feel hungover alone...
She passed out on the kitchen table with two mickeys forties duct taped to her hands. Clearly she is going to fit perfectly in your house this semester
It feels like my uterus is trying to crawl out of my ass wearing cleats. And yourself?
1 tequila 2 tequila 3 tequila, floor.
*roof
sometimes when you're high at work you just have to say fuck it and eat the dog treats
Just got shoved by an Elvis impersonator. Evidently it isn't cool to ask how much of a disappointment they are in the eyes of their parents.
Yes, yes I will fake crap in his house for you.
and if planning a fake elopement keeps me from fucking strangers and doing drugs, i think it's good for me
Did I hit my head yesterday? I have a bump on the back of it. Also I just want you to know that I don't blame you for me taking my bikini top off. If I want to be shirtless no man or woman on this earth can stop me.
The only food I have to eat is weed gummies and magic mushrooms... This is peak 34
Randomize
