$4 taco and $400 parking ticket. i am not a cheap date.
I didn't talk to you tonight because I've decided you look like a man.
my mom just walked in on me furiously masturbating while reading twilight. needless to say, im officially out of the closet.
i think he just uses that whole "grew up in a castle" thing to get pussy
if I'm ever single again, I swear to god I'm going to have 87 venerial diseases
two words: fractured penis. two more: emergency room.
I feel if a girl leaves my house the next morning feeling degraded and in desparate need of a shower, then I have succeeded.
do you realize that she was the awkward lesbian in high school and now bangs more girls than probably both of us combined?!
Took 45 minutes to masturbate. Fuck you Zoloft. I'm never gonna be diagnosed with depression again
he got mad becuase i made more noise when he gave me a back massage then i do when we actually have sex
This is a rough morning for me
No, rough is puking in your froyo cup next to a five year old and her grandma.
The bartender seems to not like the DD's anymore. I'm sad
You are the voice of reason. And I'm bringing wine. Like seriously this is his last chance. Don't touch me once, shame on you.. Don't touch me twice, shame on me
I'm going to bed early so football can come sooner
Apparently the guy with the moaning gf that lives above us is in my DES class... AWKWARD
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