I just saw a hobo ride by on a unicycle. Good day.
He showed up to the Seder drunk and tried to convince everyone that he could read Hebrew.
Why would he get rid of a girl with no gag reflex? I don't get it.
I think I just inadvertently started a sex competition with my roommate and her boyfriend.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
pain. pain everywhere. this is why throwing yourself at concrete is a bad idea.
Im glad the only reason we got out of bed today was to get Halloween candy on sale.
Everyone heard you having sex but I just told them you were having a nightmare.
The psychic I saw today told me NOT to text the guy I haven't heard from yet since our first date this weekend b/c it wouldn't go anywhere...Miller light said otherwise. Miller light > Cleo
That dude with the beard walked up to me, turned my water into wine with everclear and kool-aid, and walked away. Pretty sure drunk Jesus is back.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think he's like 40 and maybe a little sociopathetic and i have never been so turned on
Another text to add to the intervention pile, i see
Help. I am eating nachos. But I'm with some guy. I need help. I don't know where I am. The nachos were so good. I'll bring them but help me.
I'm surronded by jorts. You're probably too drunk to care. I'm gonna cry now. Love you.
Few clarical questions about last night: 1. How did we get home? 2. Am I wearing your underwear? 3. Where is Andrea? 4. Guy with nose ring last night hot?
1. You tried hitch hiking "like a pro" and flashed cars while sticking out your thumb until I called Michael. 2. I don't know but probably. 3. Who is Andrea? 4. Hot.
I've never been so excited to be bleeding from my vagina.
I've had way too many dicks in my mouth the past two weeks. Ready to go back to school and be a doctor now
Randomize