You went to the wrong car, tried to open the locked door, and started crying because you thought we were playing a mean trick. Then the owner came...
She said she had a thing for dinosaurs. Come get me now
Just used the salt in the bottom of my mcdonalds bag from last night on the eggs i made this morning. Way too hungover for this
I imagine my 13 hours of sleep after my 3 day upper bender was similar to Jesus rising from the dead.
He makes me wish my vagina was bigger... This must be what love feels like.
just walked past the recycling bin in class, there's keystone cans in it. go cougs.
Call me old-fashioned, but I don't think the words, "Finger my ass" should find their way into casual conversation.
I drunk-cried for all conjoined twins everywhere the other day.
Making a me burrito to ward off the cold...and the aloneness of my vagina
When Pony by ginuwine plays I pretty much just grind on the nearest penis.
after the fucking you spent twenty minutes vomiting naked and shaking your dick at my roommates. luckily, i don't remember that, or i'd have to be really insulted.
Look at the picture I MADE him take with me...like why??? He's holding my foot?
oh I'm washing fake blood out of my bra.
I NEED to hang out with you more
On a serious note, don't let me forget to tell you about firecracker baseball. I'm glad I have my fingers. I had to count them.
You ruined a cute cat because your lack of horniness
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