my boyfriend just named your boyfriend's penis.
I don't know where my bra went.
Welll you ran into the street, took it off and yelled "I'm a free woman!". And then you threw it at some homeless guy.
Are you still giving blowjobs?
Who is this?
She said that I needed to "pregame her so it can slip right in."
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No, I didn't like him that much. But I took one for the team. And by the team I mean me and my vagina.
the lady next to me just sniffed my hair, smiled, and then fell asleep. I almost started crying from that kind of creepiness
don't cry, we can learn from her
Well... this vagina won't eat itself
I just puked in my non fat yogurt... But it's non fat in hopes that someone wants to eat my vagina
Just had to masturbate in the bathroom because mom changed my room into a "knitting" room. I hate coming home.
I guess I was trying to make a cheese sandwich, I had to change my sheets cuz I slept on it and the cheese melted all over me, Dave, and my bed
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Ok. I am hammered I will admit it but my legacy needs to live and your the only woman that could spawn satan. We need to talk.
Just so you know in the morning, yes you did send your bartender a snap of your boobs. No I didn't try to stop you because you used sound logic for doing so.
If I die it's either cuz I undercooked my burger or because I used questionable cheese. I have no pants on, so if there's a wellness check, you go in first.
We drunkenly made out once four years ago and then he immediately vomited and honestly I've never gotten over him
I think I left my thong in your bed. Careful. It has the power to destroy the agitator on a washing machine
He was about to go in...and he fell off the bed. Ruined mood!
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