Someone wrote that you're a whore in one of the bathroom stalls
I didn't know I was popular enough to be hated. This is awesome
Is it bad that Pitbull has taught me more Spanish than high school did?
I love Japanese schoolgirls with short skirts riding bikes on windy days.
You're never coming back, are you?
I fucked her to her "thinking of him" playlist. Sucks to be that guy haha
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Writing a love song to planned parenthood. what rhymes with "don't have AIDS"
I'm at breakfast at my kid's school and I have noted at least 3 other parents with last night's red wine mouth and bleary eyes. I don't know why I always get so paranoid.
he brought me knee pads...is that sweet or weird?
They all laughed at me when I bought that necklace from Life Alert. Who's laughing now?
You called me at 2am singing 'happy birthday' while screaming 'I fucking love you' verses, all while eating a burrito and taking a piss off your apartment balcony
Yeah I know, the people below me already told me
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Bro, the freshmen are smoking in the park again, do you need ammo for ur paintball gun?
i've never been that scared in my life. i ran naked into the corner and he just stood there trying to shield his boner from the light.
Apparently I've told this bouncer I stalk him on Instagram 3 times. I should stop drinking. I only remeber saying it tonight. early sign of Alzheimer's
Why is my fridge empty save for a basketball???
I smell like thanksgiving dinner and bad decisions. Its not even thanksgiving yet.
If you can endure a laser on the butthole, you can endure a wax on the butthole. Those are words to live by.
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