Dude I just picked up a married chick while her husband was playing pool.
What do you mean you picked her up? How are you gonna leave the bar?
I didn't. I fucked her in the men's room. Come get me before he finds out.
Driving with balloons in your car is more annoying than that bubble fart that doesn't leave your ass after your previous fart.
I know I am usually the slut but tonight it's her. She is being a slut, yes slut, T as in Tomorrow, U as in Uterus, L as in Llama and S as in Sangria. That spells slut, but backwards and that's what she is being.
Theres a picture of you hanging up on the wall in mcdonalds, i'm impressed
Why am I the only one concerned that there's a dog in the movie theatre?
This guy just tried to hit on me on facebook. His most recent listed education is middle school. This is my life.
Maybe it's the vicodin, but all I wanna do is hunt wild hogs.
There's not an emojicons for I think I ripped my asshole and want to die.
don't pay it forward
I eont pay shit forward. told a stranger to call an abulance and peaced
And my only real exposure to Russian culture is you and Internet porn.
I left for five minutes and Chris wound up half in women's clothes, half naked. And the naked half was covered in shamrock stickers.
I would go a lot of places to get laid. But I would NOT go to Staten Island.
His birthday is on Valentines Day, of course he's getting a blowjob
Best part about losing weight and not fitting into your pants any longer? They come off quick for chipotle emergencies.
she wants homewrecking advice
are you gonna teach her your ways?
obvs. i'm like her yoda.
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