u know how some weekends you just wanna go out and ruin a relationship? this is one of those weekends
Looking for things to spread butter on. Found men's briefs in garbage can. Lost insurance card. Summer has finally arrived
i feel like the 7 eleven by your house knows our deepest, darkest secrets
I was just handed jelly beans by a guy in a penguin costume. Standby for confirmation on if they are actually drugs.
you don't know true fear until you are a convinced that velociraptors are trying to kill you through your roof.
On a toatally unrelated note, I see music in my hair
My fake id got more birthday sex than I've had in my life.
The cleaning lady even cleaned my bong. I'm scared to open my sex toy drawer and see if and how she organized it
It's like weed even makes my glasses better. Everything is so bright and clear and beautiful!
well i don't NEED my liver but it's nice to have one when you're trying to have a good time
Serio, who the fuck falls down coming offstage wearing nothing but pasties, a g-string, and a fake moustache, and now suddenly needs a tetanus shot. Me. That's who.
Molly was fun. I was in a captain planet onesie in Wal-Mart talking to everyone haha
Went to the lab to print and realized the guy next to me was the one we stole all the beer from last night..... Oops
its 2pm and were already starting beer pong...its gonna be a good night
I don’t care if there’s a pandemic. My husband gave me a hall pass for my 40th birthday and I’m going to use it!
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