this is a mass text: i just made a grilled cheese with an iron and pasta with the coffeemaker in the hotel room. bow before your new god.
I wish everyone walked around campus with a video of what they did this weekend above their heads.
i just woke up to seventeen texts from you saying all the things you would have done for a french fry.
So I feel bad, Ross is asking questions, I think they need to know it's a Spanish lesbian bar
I might come over. Something about you makes me matronly and I have this urge to nurse you back to health with soup and a blowjob
Ok, was I really fucked up or was there a chick from Norway in the ice cream shop teaching us Norwegian last night?
She's wearing her dead grandmother's pearl on the married finger so no guys "bother her" tonight... I am not THAT committed to Girl's Night.
They just built a gym in the same parking lot as my favorite bar. Drunk me is gonna be so excited.
Well you were already wet from trying to drink straight from the faucet, so I just put you in the bathtub with a pillow and called it a night
I just found a half a joint in my bed. . .don't know if this qualifies as a proud moment or a cry for help
I'm pants less watching buffy the vampire slayer drinking rum. I'm not that hard to impress
I feel like my vagina was just in a fistfight.
I gave his daughter swim lessons and in exchange he sold me an ounce. I feel so accomplished.
There needs to be a greeting card for "I miss having sex and smoking weed with you."
i left you alone for two hours TWO HOURS & when i got back i had to rush you to the hospital because you were covered in Smooth Away pads & drinking the bong water..
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