I woke up to him trying to put his dick in my mouth. When I asked him what he was doing he said he was trying to make me stop snoring...
you're like a bully in the Christmas story
i wanted to go smoke pot, so i told my mom i was getting tutored. she asked what time i would be back, i told her learning doesn't have a curfew
bad to tell him im pregnant over fbook chat?
just to let you know, its not cheating if i cant feel my hands.
Why doesn't the washer have a puke setting?
she didnt realize that i was putting on the same condom i used the night before with some other girl
Oh my god I peed in a park last night and then tried to set off fireworks with a group of middle-aged men
At this point can I suggest a mail away bride. You judge Nick but you are a strange dude and that may be your ticket.
8:30 every morning in the third floor bathroom we fuck in the handicap stall. You have your morning workout and I have mine.
She kept pulling joints out of her bra and asking strangers for birthday hugs.
Dude. That Grinch had his priorities right when he was worried that there might be a cash bar at that town celebration.
Serious concern: will TSA confiscate my bondage rope?
so how was it...?
sadly not as impressive as one might expect from a division one athlete. he lacked the stamina i had hoped for, and by lacked i do mean he fell asleep while he was still inside me. an epic wtf moment, i know.
Attention, i sprayed windex on me to disguise the scent of sex and regret off my clothes from last night
Randomize
