Saw a dead body on the way to the casino. I think that's a good sign.
that was the first time i tried it. why is it all sticky? its like somebody threw a glue bottle at my face.
apparently vodka and oj turns green when you throw it up
basic color theory
The mexican place next the the funeral home has dollar margaritas, our grandfather would want us to act on this... trust me i know.
He brought me bullshit flowers and a bullshit apology. Even shrek did more than that for Fiona. And he's an ogre. Does this not say anything about him?
I have to bobbypin his pubes for us to have sex. The other day he wanted me to braid them.
I still have his teeth marks on the base of my penis. You didnt miss much
I met this girl the other day and found out her boyfriend is a helicopter pilot. How the fuck do you compete with that.
It's all coming back to me. I drank moonshine from a milk carton from a guy named tomohawk last night.
I woke up in an apt hallway this morning and a nice lady brought me coffee cause she thought I was homeless
She said you told her you were ready to be a dad. We just got back from our purchase of the morning after pill. That took me 2 hours of convincing. No more fucking my sister.
1. Thanks. 2. No.
Listen it's no longer the walk of shame to class when ur leaving the frat house and the brothers ask "when are coming back home"
You're now part of the minority of friends who haven't seen my boobs.
Apparently the girl he banged in the bathroom yelled at him for hitting on me all night. But whatever, he was holding her hand for most of it
I do not recommend playing football on LSD like at all
Randomize
