dats a huuuuuge bitch!
who is this????
I'm wearing a childsize birthday hat and a bib. I am the def of sex appeal rite now
Apparently when you order 'bottomless fries' at red robin that doesnt mean you can go around to every table and eat all the fries you want off other peoples plates.
i am not listening to taylor swift on a pink ipod. totally not happening.
TRUE LIFE: my roommate is growing a bush.
better yet, TRUE LIFE: my roommates boyfriend begged her to grow a bush.
Yeah, that's not really a good thing. Especially for a girl. You should get a tattoo on your stomach that says "Please wear a condom".
What's the appropriate way to phrase "If you ever leave your wife give me a call. But we can still have sex periodically until then."??
The last thing I said to him last night before telling him he couldn't give me a kiss goodnight was pointing at his dick then at me and saying "this isn't working out"
I feel like this is going to result in some sort of tearing in my vagina.
Thats a chance were just gonna have to take
Does this mean I don't have to apologize for launching about 20 bead necklaces at you from the balcony?
Your exhaustion is probably due to your rampant sexual urges and the fact that you live the same life as a raccoon.
When did i become the Rickety Cricket of my own life?
Why didn't you ever bring me to the pope as a baby so he could kiss me.
He tried to brush a hair off my cheek, but turns out it was just a freakishly long chin hair. So no, we didn't bang.
I'm thankful I didn't get drunk and shit my pants this year. 🦃
Randomize
