I just got back to Nicks and I shoul dnot have drank this much when I have to work at 7AM!!!!!
Any toy can be an adult toy. Location, location, location.
he shaved USA in his pubs
Getting pregnant off pre-cum is like getting high off erasers
I have minimal recognition and a lot of burns on my tongue and my vagina hurts.
It's like being the dunk pilot of a plane full of pornstars and drunkenness.
You'd be so proud. I have the flu/sore throat, so I've tied a scarf around my head and I'm microwaving jagerbombs. Let it never be said I'm not commited.
i wanted to ask her what his dick looked like but i thought that would be weird for the first time i met her
So he's compensating for a really small penis. Either that or he's a drug lord.
I don't know. I wanna do you but I also want a cheeseburger.
I gave him morning sex, a bag of cookies, and dropped him off at work. I believe I deserve the "best hookup award."
I just ate cream cheese straight for my dog
I'm afraid to ask what that means
How so I keep attracting the virgins? HOW?
You talk about your love for your ninja turtle onesie when you're drunk. Are you really surprised?
I like shiny stuff tho if that’s an emotion
I apparently sent an offer letter to, and then subsequently onboarded, the wrong candidate. How's your Monday?
Randomize
