I don't know where your sunglasses are, I was too preoccupied with girls not old enough to drive past midnight.
He cummed in my mouth, then said he had to go because his best friend broke his foot falling off of a balcony, put twenty dollars in my hand and was gone before I could even swallow...
I didn't mind getting the stomach flu from him. we had great sex AND I'm seven pounds lighter
Did you know they have alcohol AND weed delivery in Canada??? I'm not EVER coming home
They ran out of vodka so we started doing Body Doritos.
I take that as "no I'm not driving you to the bar in a blizzard"
He gave me his business card. It was a Justin Bieber trading card with his number written in sharpie. I have to call him don't I?
Fell asleep on the Grass at Lolla woke up in the Brown line. What. The. Fuck.
Sitting on an airplane reeking of booze, sex and shame while surrounded by families coming home from Disney. This is not one of my finer moments.
6 beers and it feels like I've been drinking water... Daiquiri time
So I totally just used margarita salt for a body scrub.
We always have to do something together that tests the human limits of the body. Hopefully it has at least a 75% death rate.
Hurricane Harvey ruined my dick appt. WTF?!
I've been on the cocaine and semen diet for the last 24 hours, lunch sounds great.
yes that’s a photo of a horny gay donkey
Oh I know. I’ve known many horny gay donkeys in my time.
Randomize
