Guess what? I had way too much to drink today. I'm properly wasted. Doing chores and playing video games while drunk. It's the nexus of stupidity and responsibility.
she was left over bi-product, like the hotdog of the human race
just so you know, the uglier twin gives better bjs..don't be deceived
The stoners next door have their couch on the sidewalk again, shirtless, soaking their feet in a baby pool and listening to loud ukulele music. I want their life.
Dude. Hurry up. They just blessed the tequila.
I brought his matress to the living room we're laying on it listening to rick james drinking vodka
I gave you a lap dance in a bowling alley... And I was Fine?
Jesus told me in my dream not to go to the party. I am athiest for tonight PARTY ON
So his 25th anniversary post of love to his wife was almost verbatim what he said to me last week. Does that mean I win or lose?
So many weird people in this class. I can practically taste their unwanted virginities. They taste bad.
By far the fardest thing to do drunk is open a band aid
I won the 'drunkest person at a family event' award tonight.
Im going to hell I gave him a handjob on the plane next, to an old guy playing video games on his iPad, on good friday.
stupid neighbors doing stupid yard work with their stupid kids when i want to do drugs in the backyard
I'M NOT EVEN STOPPING FOR WINE SO I CAN GET TO THAT DICK QUICKER.
Randomize
