I woke up on the side of the highway to the ppl in orange jumpsuits cleaning to comunity service. Not sure which freaked them out more... Finding a dead b ody or me not being dead
theres no cameras in the kitchen right? cause i dont wana get fired for peeing in the kitchen in a cup
He came up and told us to watch as he chugged his beer with no hands. Then asked if he could come drunk swimming with us.
I wasnt going to have sex with him until i ran into his gf at chipotle. It was like the gods were saying "Go ahead. Shes already had her burrito for the day"
Maybe it's the vicodin, but all I wanna do is hunt wild hogs.
He's a forty-something balding gay man with no boundaries or sense of social norms. Of course we should befriend him.
We had a weird moment. Mid-sex he started talking. It went along the lines of "I. FUCKING. LOVE.....this condom..."
We have bigger issues at hand... Does anybody know someone in the kalamazoo area that is missing a pair of stilts ?
Ones vagina should not have the same slogan as a can of Pringles.
A special kind of bond is formed between two people when they act as a pee shield for one another for drunken pisses in an alleyway
SShout out to Barney the Dinosaur for teaching me how to sing the ABCs backward. I just scored a free pitcher.
NO FUCKING RANDOMS IN AN ALLEY
They made me leave the maternity ward, how do I get back in?
I guess you could say the date didn’t go so well since I was drunkenly Snapchatting with my ex by the end of it.
Woke up with a girls naked next to me I had her thong on somehow.
Randomize
