I have a new suitor he got my # last nite... I was to tipsy to function! What was I thinking!! It's like u when u first met me
I dont abuse you, i just hit you while we have sex
They were so slutty we had to play "rarely have I ever."
I just ate a cashew that looked EXACTLY like your dick.
Why do the people I hook up with still exist after we're done?
I have a fannypack full of condoms and acid. Let's get weird.
How am I so hungover that wearing sunglasses hurts my head?
I literally just biked home like I was on the last leg about to win the tour du France. Fuck diarrhea
25 likes of a picture on Instagram of my butthole. beat that.
All I remember is sitting on your kitchen floor and playing with a banana like it was a viking ship.
He painted a swimsuit on me. Naked day at the lake was a success.
His premature ejaculation problem is getting old.
While I'm here in reality dreaming of catching chili cheese fries with my mouth out of t shirt guns like Jesus is real
I haven't gotten this high alone in a long time. I keep looking at the cat waiting for her to say something.
It took me longer to jump start my car and get to his house than the fucking actually took.....
Randomize
