I can't open my eyes
Lol why not?
Because I have fat ankles and I'm drunk
That's the last time we joust in Radio Flyer wagons after margarita night.
Miserable. My projectile vomit just woke me up from a 5.5 hour nap.
just took a shot of real whiskey... i forgot what it's like to drink liquor that costs more than twelve dollars.
chugging beers on the train. people are staring. I would be offended if it wasn't 8:30
This is how I ended up being the slutty friend isn't it?
Sorry for locking you out after accusing you of eating my Skittles... I realized I was mistaken after just throwing up the rainbow.
I wore sweatpants. When I show up to a booty call in sweatpants there's your warning
I come back upstairs and there he was sitting in a speedo. He handed me a blanket and said "let's cuddle" how is this real life?
More importantly this is sex weather and i am striking out
Actually I more feel like I'm on a ship about to grab the holy grail off an island
The ship is me being high the holy grail is some profound idea I'm about to have
"Do You Wanna Build a Snowman" came on while I was riding his dick. I had to take a moment.
You just kept looking down at your tits and screaming "I LOVE YOU TWO!!!"
why is there a porcupine in the kitchen
Last night I realized my life is an experiment of really bad decisions when I had to leave without my underwear. But at least I'm expanding my life experience.
Randomize
